Shame and the CD Girl


I’ve made several posts where I’ve talked about my life up to this point, and how trying to run away from my feelings caused me a stress and anxiety. I’m still working through all that, and I’ll eventually start up those posts again (once I work up to talking about my married years, which are really hard to share). For now, though, I thought I’d share with you an article I found today:

Some Thoughts on Shame and Being Transgender by A. B. Kaplan.

One of the things I often found myself suffering during those years was a “shame spiral” — that horrible feeling of being ashamed of what I was thinking or doing, and then being ashamed of myself for being ashamed, and them ashamed that I was too scared to not be ashamed, etc. If you’ve struggled with CD or trans feelings too, you probably know exactly what I mean. It’s a horrible mental booby trap that can lead to to years of unhappiness. Honestly, I’m still struggling to defeat it completely.

At some point during all those years, I probably would have benefited from hearing some basic good advice about dealing with shame; advice like Kaplan gives. It’s a short article and, after reading it, my first thought was “Geez, that was really obvious, now that I’ve read it!” I don’t mean that as a slight against the author. Quite the contrary! I’m just surprised at how simple it seems now that the advice has been given. Sometimes, the best advice is the simplest.

So, like everything else I do with this blog, my hope is to just put another link out there, one more page for the next clueless newbie to hopefully discover as he or she comes to accept this part of themselves. Because shame is a real, terrible thing. Anything I can do to help someone else figure it out a little quicker is worth the time it takes to write a blog post.


2 thoughts on “Shame and the CD Girl

  1. Ali –

    You can always share them with me via email….

    Yes, for me it the issue was not being what I was supposed to be in people’s eyes. This is BS, but like many of us, I subscribed to it. I worried what people would think instead of worrying about myself.

    Now, I have other more important worries – and in a way, it frees me to enjoy dressing….



  2. My wife (the therapist!) had this exactly backwards: she is CERTAIN that I dress because of a desire to be shamed and humiliated. I cannot convince her that any shame I felt before was because of (anticipated) social response and was not something I desired. And I have worked hard to leave it all behind me.


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